Good Reads on Diversity, Intercultural Communication, and Conflict

Gardenswartz, L. & Cherbosque, J. & Rowe, A. (2008).  Emotional Intelligence for Managing Results in a Diverse World.  Nichoas Breasley Publishing.

Hofner Saphiere, D., Mikk, Kappler, B., Devries Ibrahim, B. (2005).  Communication Highwire; Leveraging the Power of Diverse Communication Styles.  Intercultural Press.

Kochman, T. Black and White Styles of Conflict.

LeBaron, M. (2003).  Bridging Cultural Conflicts; A New Approach for a Changing World. Jossey-Bass.

Trompenaars, F. & Hampden-Turner, C. (1998).  Riding the Waves of Culture; Understanding Diversity in Global Business.  McGraw-Hill.

Professional Alliance

7:00 A.M.  Aug. 12
Professional Alliance Networking Group

My presentation:

Using Emotional Intelligence and Intercultural Competence
to Respond to Differences in the Workplace


...I love early mornings...and I hope they serve coffee!!

Seattle HUD Annual Luncheon, Aug. 11, 2014

I'm excited about the variety of groups becoming curious and taking action to learn more about the intersection of intercultural communication and conflict!

                           What happened?  I thought we had an agreement!
                              A presentation to unravel the mystery of
                                    intercultural communication

In this 1.5 hour interactive presentation we will:

Define culture
Gain awareness of our own cultural preferences regarding communication
Learn about a roadmap to cultural competency
Glimpse into how our experiences can lead to culturally fluent communication...or not!

Conflict Coaching

Having professionally listened to people talk about the conflicts in their lives for over 20 years I speak with certainty when I observe that not everyone should, or is able to, engage in mediation.  Mediation requires all parties to be involved in the dialogue and decision making process.  In contrast, conflict coaching, which focuses only on one individual may prove to be effective and appropriate for gaining clarity, skills, stability and focus.  It has the potential to allow for professional and personal growth and development.  For some, conflict coaching might prepare a person to engage confidently in mediation at a later date.

Consider these questions:

• Are you seeing ineffective patterns in the way that you engage with conflict?
• Would you benefit from skills development but prefer individualized attention as opposed to a class?
• Would you like to work with a person who would champion you as a person?
• Could you benefit from a deep listener who keeps things in confidence?
• Are you interested in broadening and deepening your insights, perspective and skills as related to conflict without being told what to do?

If you’re nodding yes, conflict coaching might be for you.  Contrasted with mediation, a coach works only with the coachee.  In a private, one to one setting, people often feel safe to share challenges and vulnerabilities.  A coach can ask powerful questions inviting new and creative reflections.  Meeting your goals may take several shorter sessions (60 min. in the beginning to possibly 10 min. later on)  and can take place on the phone or face to face as opposed to more lengthy mediation sessions that are generally best in person.  The neutrality of the mediator is replaced with the idea of “championing” the coachee, working from the belief in the coachee’s abilities to learn and change.  Different from counseling, the past may be explored to develop a platform for a shift in perspective that could lead to effectively managing conflict. The past is not surfaced to access trauma or analyze dysfunction. 

Similar to mediation, the work is focused on decision-making, insights, and conflict management.  Like counseling, coaching serves to empower the individual coachee. 

A typical session might include setting a goal, talking about the conflict situation from various perspectives or looking at options.  Coachees decide on and commit to homework and, with the coach, next steps are established.

I am happy to discuss which option might be best for you, if you are stuck and wondering which way to move.

As my refrigerator magnet asks me everyday, “What are you waiting for?”

Pathways to Intercultural Reconciliation

The Dispute Resolution Center of King County has invited me to present a workshop that will deepen the teaching that I offer in their 40 hour mediation training.  2 CEU's for mental health professionals.

May 20, 2014
3:00 P.M. - 5:00 P.M.
Contact: officemanager@kcdrc.org to register

Explore strategies for applying intercultural awareness to assist people in conflict.

 Inability to recognize cultural forces and adapt behavior appropriately can be at the root of divorce, culture shock, frustrating or failed business relationships and strained feelings among extended family members, colleagues and neighbors.  Our communities and larger world offer us plenty of opportunities to witness the resulting pain.

This 2-hour workshop is for mediation practitioners and others who are familiar with basic intercultural value and behavioral differences that impact communication.  Answers to your questions of "what do we do with this awareness?" and "how do we help our clients?" will be taken up in this series of workshops.

Strategies from leading thinkers in the intercultural field will be introduced and applied to case studies and experiences of participants, as time permits.

Join us as we explore techniques and strategies to add to our conflict management too bags.

Mixed Blessings

Fellow NW SIETAR (Northwest Society of Intercultural Educators, Trainers and Researchers) member, Harriet Cannon, with her colleague, Rhoda Berlin, has just published a book that may be of interest to some readers of this blog.  The book is Mixed Blessings:  A Guide to Multicultural and Multiethnic Relationships   http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Mixed+Blessings%3A++A+guide+to+Multicultural

Safety begets trust. Trust begets safety.*

How important are safety and trust?  Whether it is a work team, a community or a family, trust and safety are essential for reaching goals, deepening relationships, continued learning and reconciliation.  People know when they feel safe and if they are able to trust though definitions may vary.  Ironically each quality is needed to build the other.  They are easy to take for granted until lost or broken.

We often come to appreciate the presence of trust and safety, within the context of a dialogue, after we have experienced their absence!  In her book, In Search of Human Nature, author Mary Clark observes that in the move to be "efficient" we have created systems that invite misunderstanding and conflict.
In 95% of the cases that Main Street mediates, "trust" is listed as an issue.  Once broken, trust takes time to rebuild.

Safety begets trust.  In a dialogue, safety is associated with freedom to speak, ask questions, raise concerns and admit not knowing.  One feels certain of support, and trusting that their words will not be used against them in the future.  Safe dialogues are creative and expansive.  People know they can take risks, be vulnerable and "land safely" (still feel respected).  When and how people come to feeling safe varies.

A skilled and "trustworthy" mediator can help the group to re-establish trust throughout a mediation in a myriad of ways.  From the beginning active listening and curiosity will ensure that the appropriate people are at the table.  Once in session, transparency and clarity about the process help to replace uncertainty with confidence.  Slowly, as the "unknown" is replaced with information and certainty, people open to the possibility of trust.  Ability to trust is a combination of head and heart. Trust is a feeling, yet also a decision; a willingness.

The next time distrust is experienced during a dialogue, try asking these questions:

• Is there a sense of good will?
• Is the person or group competent?
• Will there be follow through?
• Is there enough time?
• What am I contributing?

Safety and trust are dynamic and change in response to the variable of a situation.  Too often they are taken for granted until there is a problem.  Recognition of the balance needed to maintain trust and safety takes awareness, honesty, curiosity, and the willingness to do things differently.

*Hughes, P., Ruder, K. Nienow, D. Courageous Collaboration with Gracious Space.  Seattle:  Center for Ethical Leadership, 2011.

Charged Holiday Conversations

The holiday gatherings of November and December are almost here.  These happily anticipated events sometimes leave us with mixed feelings depending on how we handle those conversational curve balls, annoying, prying questions, offensive political views or life style perspectives that make us cringe.

Do political differences or strongly voiced opinions make you want to run for the hills?  Are there people to be avoided?  Can comments (yours or theirs) threaten composure or worse, harm the relationship?  Do you ever return home wishing you had listened more and talked less?

Something motivates us to speak to another person.  Think of this motivation as the goal.  What are our conversational goals?  What if we speculated about the other's goal in the conversation?  Typical goals include desire to be friendly, to persuade, to impress, to inform, to make a request, to more deeply understand, and to strengthen  the feeling of human connection.

Problems occur when these goals clash!  She wants to connect, he wants to report.  She wants to impress, he wants to fix.  One wants to persuade, the other wants to be heard.

Our feelings about ourselves diminish when our unconscious goals don't match our own actions.  We want to connect but we pass judgment.  We want to impress and we forget to listen.

Imagine you are at the annual holiday gathering and someone makes a demeaning observation that insults your perspective.

• A certain fraction of people respond quickly with a repartee that can be much like sport if both are similarly adept.  Sports have winners and losers.  Being quick witted has its advantages and disadvantages.  Is your conversational goal to be the winner, and thus the other a loser?
• Another portion of the population respond neutrally, not causing any ripples, yet move on to another conversation as soon as possible.  These people often tell me that they feel a loss of authenticity if this is repeated too often.
• Finally, everyone has experienced "getting into it" at some point, "caught off guard" by a comment, responding in an escalated fashion and feeling uncomfortable later.

Want to try something different?  Practice setting a goal in a non-threatening conversation.  (Is your goal to welcome, to be playful, to persuade, to connect?) Does it impact your own contributions to the conversations?  Does it impact the way you hear?  Do you have a hunch about the goal of the other person?  How do you feel after the conversation?

Try it again!  Practicing a communication strategy increases the likelihood that it will be remembered when it is most needed.