Having professionally listened to people talk about the
conflicts in their lives for over 20 years I speak with certainty when I
observe that not everyone should, or is able to, engage in mediation. Mediation requires all parties to be involved in the dialogue and decision making
process. In contrast, conflict coaching,
which focuses only on one individual may prove to be effective and appropriate
for gaining clarity, skills, stability and focus. It has the potential to allow for professional
and personal growth and development. For
some, conflict coaching might prepare a person to engage confidently in
mediation at a later date.
Consider these questions:
- Are you seeing ineffective patterns in the way that you engage with conflict?
- Would you benefit from skills development but prefer individualized attention as opposed to a class?
- Would you like to work with a person who would champion you as a person?
- Could you benefit from a deep listener who keeps things in confidence?
- Are you interested in broadening and deepening your insights, perspective and skills as related to conflict without being told what to do?
If you’re nodding yes, conflict coaching might be for
you. Contrasted with mediation, a coach
works only with the coachee. In a
private, one to one setting, people often feel safe to share challenges and
vulnerabilities. A coach can ask
powerful questions inviting new and creative reflections. Meeting your goals may take several shorter
sessions (60 min. in the beginning to possibly 10 min. later on) and can take place on the
phone or face to face as opposed to more lengthy mediation sessions that are generally best in person. The neutrality of the mediator is replaced
with the idea of “championing” the coachee, working from the belief in the
coachee’s abilities to learn and change.
Different from counseling, the past may be explored to develop a
platform for a shift in perspective that could lead to effectively managing
conflict. The past is not surfaced to access trauma or analyze
dysfunction.
Similar to mediation, the work is focused on decision-making,
insights, and conflict management. Like
counseling, coaching serves to empower the individual coachee.
A typical session might include setting a goal, talking
about the conflict situation from various perspectives or looking at options. Coachees decide on and commit to homework and,
with the coach, next steps are established.
I am happy to discuss which option might be best for you, if
you are stuck and wondering which way to move.
As my refrigerator magnet asks me everyday, “What are you
waiting for?”
