We often come to appreciate the presence of trust and safety, within the context of a dialogue, after we have experienced their absence! In her book, In Search of Human Nature, author Mary Clark observes that in the move to be "efficient" we have created systems that invite misunderstanding and conflict.
In 95% of the cases that Main Street mediates, "trust" is listed as an issue. Once broken, trust takes time to rebuild.
Safety begets trust. In a dialogue, safety is associated with freedom to speak, ask questions, raise concerns and admit not knowing. One feels certain of support, and trusting that their words will not be used against them in the future. Safe dialogues are creative and expansive. People know they can take risks, be vulnerable and "land safely" (still feel respected). When and how people come to feeling safe varies.
A skilled and "trustworthy" mediator can help the group to re-establish trust throughout a mediation in a myriad of ways. From the beginning active listening and curiosity will ensure that the appropriate people are at the table. Once in session, transparency and clarity about the process help to replace uncertainty with confidence. Slowly, as the "unknown" is replaced with information and certainty, people open to the possibility of trust. Ability to trust is a combination of head and heart. Trust is a feeling, yet also a decision; a willingness.
The next time distrust is experienced during a dialogue, try asking these questions:
- Is there a sense of good will?
- Is the person or group competent?
- Will there be follow through?
- Is there enough time?
- What am I contributing?
Safety and trust are dynamic and change in response to the variable of a situation. Too often they are taken for granted until there is a problem. Recognition of the balance needed to maintain trust and safety takes awareness, honesty, curiosity, and the willingness to do things differently.
